Sunday, April 22, 2012

Wedding madness

Sana found she had much in common with her great-uncle Ramzan.

Pretty much all of my last dozen or so blog posts have started with an apology for not blogging as much as I used to, but this time, I will provide you with an excuse: Wedding Madness!

In the last month, I’ve been to a highly American wedding of French people in the desert oasis of Las Vegas, and a highly South-Asian wedding of Canadian people that took place in the snowy wastes of Edmonton.

The bride wore sparkles, the groom was dashing in a sequined hat. 
Yes, it was already a Vegas wedding featuring Elvis, but certain 
organizers felt we needed a "theme" of "tackiness." I believe 
this person gilds lilies as a hobby.
Perhaps a comparison by the numbers, would be illustrative.

Length of festivities:    Las Vegas:   7 min       Edmonton:   4 days

Guests:   LV: 10    EDM: 650

Number pregnant brides:   LV:  1          EDM: 0

Number of grooms whose legal identification was stolen 36 hours before the wedding:   LV:   1                        EDM:  0

Number of exotic dancers invited by a certain someone, because they were sweet, and claimed to be Canadian: LV: 1 EDM:  0 

Amynah was the Maid of Honour. Don't get technical: Just see
 how long you live if you try to call her the Matron of Honour

Number of invited exotic dancers who had the poor judgement to accept said invitation:  LV: 0     EDM: 0

Number of eggs smashed on groom: LV: 0 EDM: Several dozen

Number of outfits worn by bride: LV: 1    EDM: 5

Number of Elvises: LV: 1   EDM: 0

Number of wedding bands that invited Sana to dance onstage: LV: 0 EDM:  1
Sana saw snow out the plane's window, and silently thought
 for a moment, and then informed us: "I know how to ski."
 I think she has access to the Matrix.

Percent of ceremony I missed because of screaming baby: LV: 0%   EDM: 75%

Percent of ceremony I missed because poor directions that sent me out into the Mojave desert: LV: 75% EDM: 0%

Number of hours traveled one-way: LV: 6 (car) EDM:  6 (airplane)

Percent of that time during which someone in my family was crying: 50%

Proportion of that half that is mine: 1/4.

Number of duststorms: LV: 1 EDM: 0

Number of snowstorms: LV: 0 EDM: 1